and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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