dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
