o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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