I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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