Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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