I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
