I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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