i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
