you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
handjob tips. give me some.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
