Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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