I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
