i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
