what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
