Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
