maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
