Im at strip club and am horny
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
