I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
