It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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