Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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