someone get that fucking seahorse.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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