I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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