I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
