My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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