Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dignity is for republicans.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
