how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
