There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
