The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
