She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
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we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
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