Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it's great music for shaving your balls
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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