Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
