I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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