Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
