im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
