This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
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Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
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Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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