okay pat passed out under dana's car
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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