I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
