Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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