You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
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Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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