At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
