had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
