Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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