real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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