she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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