I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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