Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
