gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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