i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
