So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
