please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
