What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
