I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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