I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
