just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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