I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize