So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
