I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
