She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
