i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
