I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
