Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
