so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
