no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
