a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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