Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
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Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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