Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize