If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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