He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
