I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
