omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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