can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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