god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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