In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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