Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
