Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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