I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
