my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
