Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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