So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
